Then, at around the 33rd year of my Life, I have found myself thinking: I am unsatisfied with my job, my relationships with others, including friends, family, myself and my home; everyone is just feeding on me and exploiting me. Has my Life actually ended? 

That is when my Odyssey started. First of all I knocked on the door of a psychologist. I did not intend to drop everything. I was just living with a question: what happened to you , Ernesta, that there was no longer any joy in your Life? This odyssey is still continuing. 

After psychotherapy I got in touch with the world of esoterics that I was both wandering and getting lost in. Life from one dose to another, as I call it (i.e. from one workshop to another, one session to another).

Finally, after the birth of my second son, Life has invited me to explore the body, connections within and it’s reactions to thoughts, emotions, habitual narratives, psyche, sensations. This is where the integration of my whole life experience has started through becoming aware and allowing myself to explore my usual behavioral patterns and change the ones that are outdated and are harmful to my health.

In summer 2020 three years of studies have culminated in a final presentation where I have shared my insights, experiments, realisations and explorations of body memory with my peers and lecturers.  Alongside studying in the Institute for Integrative Bodywork and Movement Therapy, I have additionally attended courses with body psychotherapists and lecturers that were more focused on trauma and experiencing it in the body. 

Voice. It is my barometer showing how the fluctuations of my inner world are reflected on the outside. It reveals how much I am holding onto some belief and how much some firmly rooted behavioral pattern is already being let go off. 

Exploration and practice is being continued. These studies could not have been separated from an everyday Life. I notice that it has become my Life, more and more so with each day.  Practice becomes theory and theory becomes practice. It is a perpetual cycle. Probably for the first time ever I am experiencing that what I study cannot be separate from Life. I only experience that through practicing, exploring, trying, experimenting and sharing it all with others. Theory without practice does not lead me to experiencing. 

And then, when my body speaks through experience, there are less and less doubts that body, thoughts, emotions, inner narratives, feelings, sensations are all interconnected and cooperating with each other. And that our head brain is not the only leading part of a human being. Not the only one. I remember as if it was yesterday - when exploring my nervous system, I was left with the question: who is the Boss? It seems that our head brain cannot help with that much. So who is the Boss?